Lonely

Kinda over being lonely, and yet all I do is sit here and dream of, him, the reason I'm still lonely...

You "win"

Thanks for taking out the garbage for me.

Little Shadow

Little shadow

you followed me everywhere,

but I had to turn off the light, 

and let you go; to show you how much I care.

My room feels colder, 

My bed no longer safe, without you 

lying by it, ready to scare away the wraiths. 

But little shadow, you'll never be gone,

Because in my heart you'll always live on.

I feel you lying beneath my breast

Scaring away every unworthy guest.

Good Girl

I try to do the right thing. Even when it's hard. 

Especially when it came to you...I was cautious and respectful.

I avoided pushing. I walked the line. I didn't prey on your weakness. And I could have. 

I could have been that girl, I could have gotten you alone and tempted you so you couldn't say no. And believe me, if I had, I'd have blown your mind...toes curling, knees weak begging for more. But I was a good girl, because I was afraid of losing you. If I had done that, I'd have wanted more, and I didn't think you were ready to give more. Not yet. Or maybe never with me...

 I could of had that at least...but I behaved. I never even pushed to be better friends, because it might be too hard to resist crossing lines. I was such a good girl. I cared and meant it when I said I wanted only happiness for you.

I WAS A GOOD GIRL! Such a good girl.

And now...I have nothing. I walked away from our friendship and it was so easy for you to let me. And that should be enough for me! It should be enough to tell me, that I, or us, the us I thought existed...never did...for you. 

And if I know that, it should be enough to stop! 

Because I'm one in a million!!! I know that I am! I know I should never be left on a back burner, I should never be second, I should be treated like a queen. And if you are worthy of me you would never let me walk away so easily.

I know!!! 

So WHY isn't it enough for me to stop aching over you? Why do I still want you in my life when you can so easily live without me? 

I guess it's the curse of the Good Girl.

But deep down I'm not good. Deep down I'm a tiny bit bad...I'm selfish... I want to be the one that makes you happy. Me. I want you to choose me.

And even worse-

I want it all and I don't want to wait for it! I have loved you enough to wait but I never wanted to...I want you to tell me it was me all along...

So you see I'm not really such a good girl after all.

Missing You

It's not about feeling sorry for myself. It's not about jealousy or heartbreak. 

I wonder if you miss me at all. But it's not really about that either. Is there a rule that says you have to be as important to someone as they are to you?

It's just about missing you. I miss my friend. My friend that gets me. My friend that has been there for me when I really needed someone. My friend that made things happen behind the scenes. My friend that may not have felt the way I do but whose actions have shouted so loudly that he feels something. Something strong. Something silence can't erase.

And maybe you do miss me, just a little bit...but I guess I don't get to know that. 

Painkiller